Whiskey Pete says the future of “American warfare” is Google autocomplete
According to Trump’s Secretary of War Cosplayer Pete Hegseth, the future of U.S. warfare is not boots on the ground, it is bots in the cloud. In a proudly dystopian declaration, Hegseth announced that the military is handing Google’s Gemini AI models to “every American warrior,” proving once again that if there’s a button labeled “create Skynet,” someone in Washington will mash it with both fists.
Perhaps comforting is the fact that Gemini seems to disagree with Whiskey Pete’s second attack on two helpless men clinging to wreckage: “The prevailing independent legal opinion is that the second strike was unlawful, falling into the category of either murder (under IHRL) or a war crime (under LOAC), depending on the legal framework applied.”
“This is the future of American warfare,” Hegseth gushed, as though he were announcing a Fortnite collab, not literal military escalation via predictive text. Because what our already bloated defense budget really needs is a chatbot that can hallucinate a war plan, misidentify a target, and then write a press release about it all at once.
I think Pickled Pete roasted his raisins in a testicle tanner, and now he has brain damage.
Just how is this supposed to improve any part of our military? And didn’t the people in the military already have access to new “ai” software? Has this accomplished anything? Why do I even ask?