New Subaru repeatedly prevents its owner from the joy of distracted driving

The robot uprising has begun with a station wagon informing you that your eyeballs have committed a safety violation.

For decades, dystopian fiction has warned us that artificial intelligence may one day turn against humanity. Instead, it appears to have taken the form of a mildly passive-aggressive Subaru that shrieks at drivers for the audacity of glancing at scenery, changing a Spotify playlist, or briefly behaving like a human being rather than a laser-focused DMV …