Millionaire JD Vance courageously volunteers your wallet for Trump's trade war

Image: ChattyG

Remember when Trump promised the economy would transform into a working-class paradise "on Day One"? Apparently that schedule only applied to tax cuts for millionaires like JD Vance, who's now explaining why the rest of us need to embrace empty refrigerators for the cause.

Vance, net worth $10 million, channeled his inner Lord Farquaad on Fox & Friends Thursday, bravely declaring that some of you may starve, but that's a sacrifice he's willing to make. This comes mere months after Team MAGA swore Trump would wave his magical MAGA wand and fix everything faster than you could say "but her emails."

With his famous smug smirk, Vance explained to his MAGA voters why they should embrace Trump's new 10% tax on literally everything.

"I grew up in a family that often did live paycheck to paycheck," reminisced the vulture capitalist who now makes more in investment returns than his former neighbors make in a decade. His solution for families who "just can't afford an extra three dollars here and there?" Just wait for the deregulation fairy to sprinkle prosperity dust on your empty bank account!

As reported in The Daily Beast, while stocks plummet and economists predict rising inflation, Vance assures us this "total shift" in economic policy is totally necessary — though he forgot to explain how global trade wars will help folks alleviate their hunger pangs.

"What I'd ask folks to appreciate here is that we are not going to fix things overnight," Vance declared. It's not his fault that voters were too lazy to read the fine print under Trump's "immediate economic boom" that said, "results may vary, peasants pay extra."