Remember when Tesla was worth more than every other car company combined? Today, Tesla's profit margins are thinner than Elon's hairline transplant, reporting a 71% nosedive in net income, and the only thing keeping them profitable is selling regulatory credits to other automakers – basically a $595 million allowance from daddy government. Without that sweet carbon confession money, they'd be bleeding redder than a Marx manifesto. Meanwhile, protesters in Germany are treating Teslas like very expensive s'mores ingredients, Chinese buyers are saying "nah," and BYD is about to snatch Tesla's EV crown.
As reported by CNN, the company's profit margins have shriveled from 30% to 12.5%, which is the kind of performance that makes Wall Street analysts need a drink at 10 AM.
But don't worry! Our favorite attention-seeking auto executive promises salvation is coming in the form of robotaxis – you know, the same ones he's been promising since people thought "Gangnam Style" was cool.
Thanks to his phantom fleet of ride hailing vehicles, Musk assured investors Tesla isn't on "the ragged edge of death," which is exactly what companies on the ragged edge of death say.
More good news for Musk! New York Senator Patricia Fahy, who once backed Tesla's special permission to run dealerships in NY, is leading the charge to revoke its dealer privileges. She told the New York Times that Musk was "part of an administration that is killing all the grant funding for electric vehicle infrastructure, killing wind energy, killing anything that might address climate change. Why should we give them a monopoly?"
Could anyone deserve this comeuppance more than the muskrat? Will fewer people care when his companies die?
It’s a real shame isn’t it?