CNN Business has produced a headline so pure, so direct, so violently inevitable, that no rewrite desk should be allowed within 500 feet of it: “Taco Bell has a diarrhea problem.”
The actual story is grim and gross: CNN reports that shredded iceberg lettuce sold at some Midwestern Taco Bell locations has been linked to a cyclospora outbreak involving more than 1,600 cases and nearly 100 hospitalizations. Taco Bell says it removed the potentially affected lettuce from its supply chain, but that headline is doing HEROIC work.
The headline is perfect because it refuses to dress up. No “brand challenge.” No “consumer confidence headwinds.” No “gastrointestinal reputational exposure.” Just “Taco Bell has a diarrhea problem,” a sentence that walks into the room, puts its keys on the table, and tells everyone to stop pretending.
In the world of online journalism, the headline is the whole enchilada.
In some ways this is unfair to TB, because they at least had good enough supply chain records to trace their part of the outbreak to its source. But it's not clear whether the supplier has recalled contaminated lettuce or stopped delivering to other places.
What in the name of all that is holy was that food thing shown at the end of that advert?!