Bush releases extremely cursed summer-flavored baked beans

Bush’s extremely cursed summer beans. Image via Bush Beans

Ahh, the tastes of summer. Nothing beats apple pie a la mode or a classic cheap, sugary rocket pop on a hot, sticky July day. Well… nothing except infusing the taste of those summertime treats into a can of baked beans, that is.

By all rights, this feels like it should be a HowToBasic bit, but no. Bush’s Beans, a real, respectable food company with value and shareholders and everything, is offering a limited-time run of summer baked beans. For just $5.25, you can secure yourself a three-pack of summer classics: baked beans infused with the flavors of apple pie, rocket popsicles and dill pickle. What horrors we have wrought.

Granted, dill pickle baked beans don’t sound… terrible. I could even see apple pie baked beans being okay, given that they’re fairly sweet on their own and the notes of cinnamon might help. Rocket pop baked beans, however, are described as “bursting with notes of cherry, lime and blue raspberry, Bush’s Rocket Pop Baked Beans offer a sweet, playful take inspired by the iconic frozen treat. Nostalgic and very unexpected, this flavor packs a firework of fruity taste. Start a conversation at your next cookout with these unexpected, buzzworthy flavors.”

Yeah, it’ll start a conversation alright, so long as “get the hell out of my backyard” counts as a conversation. It’s probably for the best that the three-pack is now sold out, making the chance of your neighbors getting their hands on it mercifully much lower. Really, though, these beans aren’t for eating. They’re for marketing, and I know I’m playing right into Bush’s sauce-soaked hands by giving them the attention they were created to garner. Do you feel peer-pressured into eating baked beans when you envision how revolting blue raspberry-flavored ones are, though?