Boing Boing, April 04, 2025
All our posts from the past 24 hours
Welcome to Friday’s fun-filled roundup! While Trump ditches dead soldiers for a golf tournament (priorities!), his tariff tantrum is wreaking havoc on everything from your Nintendo Switch 2 to Restoration Hardware's fancy toilet paper holders. Speaking of failures, Elon thinks he can modernize Social Security's ancient COBOL system with "nine kid engineers" — because what could possibly go wrong with 73 million Americans' benefits? Meanwhile, pardoned J6 rioters are shocked to learn that Trump's get-out-of-jail-free cards don't cover their side hustles in child porn and FBI murder plots. But hey, at least that beautiful Portuguese Man o' War looks pretty while it's killing you!
Musk's Social Security plan is "profoundly stupid and will definitely fail" says expert
Ellsworth Toohey / 10:22 am PT Fri Apr 4, 2025
Elon Musk thinks he can modernize Social Security's 60-million-line COBOL codebase in just a few months. What could possibly go wrong? Only everything that keeps 73 million Americans' benefits flowing.
As reported in Computerworld, Musk's fake "Department of Government Efficiency" wants to convert the Social Security Administration's ancient payment system to Java. But they're ignoring decades of failed attempts and the system's mind-bending complexity. The IRS has been trying to update its own legacy code for decades with zero success.
The DOGE team's naiveté showed when they recently mistook a COBOL date formatting quirk for evidence of 150-year-old fraudsters stealing benefits. Even more concerning, they're tackling this massive project with just "nine kid software engineers" who likely can't read COBOL — a language taught in fewer than 25% of colleges a decade ago.
Former SSA deputy commissioner Jason Fichtner told CNBC the risks are enormous: "If you start messing with the system's code, that could impact those who are currently getting benefits now, and that's a new front-and-center concern."
Perhaps most telling is the assessment from Waldo Jaquith, former director of technology acquisition for the Inflation Reduction Act: "I'm an expert in modernizing legacy government software systems. This is profoundly stupid and will definitely fail, and it's just a question of whether our social security system fails along with it."
Trump's trade war tantrum just made your Nintendo Switch 2 even more expensive
Ellsworth Toohey / 9:40 am PT Fri Apr 4, 2025
Nintendo just hit pause on Switch 2 pre-orders thanks to Trump's tariff tantrum.
The Switch 2's $449.99 price tag was already making wallets cry. But now Trump's decided to slap a whopping 46% tariff on Vietnam (where Nintendo makes some of its hardware) and 34% on China.
"Pre-orders for Nintendo Switch 2 in the U.S. will not start April 9, 2025 in order to assess the potential impact of tariffs and evolving market conditions," Nintendo told Polygon via a statement, using corporate-speak to say "holy crap, what do we do now?"
The June 5th launch date is still on, technically, but good luck finding one or affording it if you do.
The gaming community's response has been about what you'd expect. During Nintendo's recent livestreams, chat was nothing but an endless spam of "Drop the price!" But between the $80 games and these new trade-war surcharges, it looks like we're all about to learn a tough lesson about international economics whether we want to or not.
The upshot: Nintendo might end up shipping fewer units to the U.S. altogether. So not only will the Switch 2 cost more than your monthly rent, it'll be harder to find vaccinated MAGA cultist.
Trump ditches four dead American soldiers for a game of golf (video)
Carla Sinclair / 9:37 am PT Fri Apr 4, 2025
Donald Trump ditched today's dignified transfer of four American soldiers who died during a training exercise in Lithuania because the president faced a more urgent matter — as in a golf tournament he couldn't pass up.
And it makes sense, being that Trump did not even know who the soldiers were or that they had disappeared when news broke about the tragic event last week.
"President Trump will remain in Florida and will not travel to Dover AFB for the dignified transfer of 4 American soldiers who died during a training exercise in Lithuania," posted Fox News reporter Jennifer Griffin this morning. "The LIV Golf tournament begins today. Trump just arrived at his golf club."
Instead, the indifferent president sent Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth — the former Fox host who accidentally texted war plans to a journalist — to fill in for him.
Trump flew to West Palm Beach Friday morning with local reports suggesting the president plans to make an appearance at the Doral Golf Club where the LIV tournament is set to be held this weekend and even floated Trump participating in the Pro-Am tournament.
— Mediaite
Trump's decision to swing a golf club rather than honor the dead American soldiers came on the same day he declared his tariffs — which have led to catastrophic drops in the stock market — to be "going very well."
(See Trump's very important golf-cart ride here, posted by Ron Filipkowski.)
Pardoned J6 rioters shocked to learn pardons don't cover child porn and murder plots against the FBI
Ellsworth Toohey / 8:26 am PT Fri Apr 4, 2025
Turns out Trump's "Get Out Of Jail Free" cards for his J6 mob don't cover the other assorted felonies they racked up along the way.
How can this be fair?
The D.C. Circuit Court told Kentucky insurrectionist Dan Wilson that Trump's pardon doesn't erase the illegal weapons cache the FBI found at his house.
He's not alone in this clown car of "but daddy Trump said I could" patriots. One genius was caught with hand grenades and classified docs, another stellar citizen plotted to murder the FBI agents investigating him, and let's not forget the fine Christian gentleman who thought the pardon would let him dodge child porn charges. Stay classy, MAGA!
"The plain terms of Trump's mass pardon for January 6 defendants included only crimes directly connected to the attack on the Capitol, not those discovered by happenstance during the investigation," wrote the appeals court majority, as reported in Politico.
That means unless Trump or the Supreme Court steps in, Wilson's headed back to the slammer — so naturally his lawyer, George Pallas, is now threatening to run crying to both the Supreme Court and Trump himself. His actual quote to Politico? "By again pardoning Wilson, he will show the courts that he has the upper hand."
In MAGA land, "law and order" means trying to bully federal judges.
Trump pleased with stock plunge: tariffs are "going very well" (video)
Carla Sinclair / 7:47 am PT Fri Apr 4, 2025
While the stock market was plunging to historical lows yesterday, a reporter asked Donald Trump how his tariffs were going. To which he answered, "I think it's going very well."
"It was an operation. I like when a patient gets operated on and it's a big thing," the mad king babbled. "The country is going to boom." You can say that again, if by "boom" you mean implode. (See video, posted by The Tennessee Holler.)
Wall Street crashed to lows we haven't seen since March 2020 — the last time Trump was in office — with the stock market losing $3.1 trillion in market value on Thursday, according to the Wall Street Journal. And so far this morning, stocks are headed in the same direction, with the Dow Jones down by more than 1,200 points (again), and the rest of the market looking just as grim. Sadly, "Make America great again" is a command that suddenly makes sense.
Previously: Stocks plunge further as tariff news sinks in
Former comedian Russell Brand charged with rapes
Rob Beschizza / 6:51 am PT Fri Apr 4, 2025
Russell Brand, the comedian-turned-amulet salesman accused by a number of women of sexual misconduct, was charged today in London on four counts.
The force said it is alleged that:
In 1999 a woman was raped in the Bournemouth area.
In 2001 a woman was indecently assaulted in the Westminster area of London.
In 2004 a woman was orally raped and sexually assaulted in the Westminster area of London.
Between 2004 and 2005, a woman was sexually assaulted in the Westminster area of London.
Brand, who "is believed" to reside in the United States, was ordered to appear in court on May 2: "If there is no co-operation from a suspect, authorities then consider seeking extradition," the BBC reports. Here's a statement from Jaswant Narwal of the Crown Prosecution Service:
"We have today authorised the Metropolitan Police to charge Russell Brand with a number of sexual offences. We carefully reviewed the evidence after a police investigation into allegations made following the broadcast of a Channel 4 documentary in September 2023. We have concluded that Russell Brand should be charged with offences including rape, sexual assault and indecent assault. These relate to reported non-recent offences between 1999 and 2005, involving four women. The Crown Prosecution Service reminds everyone that criminal proceedings are active, and the defendant has the right to a fair trial. It is extremely important that there be no reporting, commentary or sharing of information online which could in any way prejudice these proceedings."
It's difficult to prosecute rape in England and Wales and convictions are amazingly rare. For his accusers, it's a step toward justice following the Channel 4's exposé Russell Brand: In Plain Sight. If you don't have 80 minutes, a few seconds of Stephen Fry might suffice. Or Sean Lock. Or The Onion.
Beware the beautiful yet dangerous Caravela Portuguesa
Popkin / 6:22 am PT Fri Apr 4, 2025
This beautiful but dangerous Caravela Portuguesa was found alive on the shore of Olivenca, Bahia – Brasil. It's not often you see a purple animal like this in nature, but don't be fooled by this sea creature's appealing looks if you see one out in the wild. Also known as a Portuguese Man o' War, this fascinating critter has tentacles covered with venom-filled cells that can cause intense pain, rashes, and sometimes more severe reactions, like difficulty breathing.
The Caravela Portuguesa has a bizarre looking balloon-like sail on top. The sail can be violet, blue, or pink, and allows it to drift with the wind. It looks like a piece of bright bubble gum. Below the sail, it has long, tentacle-like appendages that can stretch over 30 meters.
In Bahia, especially near coastal towns like Olivenca, it's important for swimmers to be cautious, as the Portuguese Man o' War is known to wash up on beaches. They are often spotted drifting in large groups. The sighting of these creatures can create a stunning but perilous scene.
See also: Inside the sea caves of Devil's Island
Vaguely surreal 1896 illustrations of ventilation systems
Popkin / 6:20 am PT Fri Apr 4, 2025
These Illustrations of Ventilation from 1896 (found in full at the Internet Archive) are meant to show us how air can move through different rooms. The illustrations are dreamy, though, and stand on their own as art pieces, even without their scientific context. I love the shade of pink used to highlight the air movement, and how it creates a surreal atmosphere.
My favorite illustration is the last one where two people are asleep in a bed. The air particles spiral outwards around them. I like how the bed looks like a big cartoon face with two googly-eyes, where the people's heads rest on the pillows.
From the Public Domain Review: "Illustrations showing movement of air through various rooms, from Lectures on Ventilation (1869) by Lewis W. Leeds."
See also: Art in the age of artifice
Watch: dog plays Jenga with amazing skill
Popkin / 6:02 am PT Fri Apr 4, 2025
Watch a dog play Jenga better than many humans can. I never would have guessed that a pup could remove Jenga blocks so perfectly from the middle of the tower as this one does. His owner must be proud.
I love watching the dog focus for a minute while he figures out the best way to remove the first block from the tower. He takes his time, and then carefully pulls it out with his mouth. I have a feeling that this dog would beat me in Jenga if we played together.
Jenga is as much a mental game as a physical one, as players need to carefully think through their moves to avoid causing the tower to collapse. For humans, It's a game that combines strategy, patience, and hand-eye coordination. The fact that a dog is able to play this game shows how intelligent dogs can be.
See also: Six random dog questions for It's Me or the Dog host Victoria Stilwell
The sun candle: a rare optical phenomenon in snowy environments
Popkin / 5:56 am PT Fri Apr 4, 2025
This "sun candle" looks like a portal to another world. Also known as a "sub sun", this optical phenomenon is a rare occurrence. This gorgeous natural occurrence happens when sunlight is reflected off the surface of ice crystals.
Subsuns are typically found in high-altitude clouds or ice-covered surfaces. They appear as a bright spot or halo located just below the sun. They're usually visible when the sun is near the horizon.
If I came across this in nature without knowing what it was, I might think it was something supernatural. I'd feel so lucky to see a sub sun in real life. I'm glad these people captured its beauty on video.
See also: Aggressively click for the Moon or the Sun
Ferris Bueller's teacher schools Trump on tariffs
Ruben Bolling / 5:48 am PT Fri Apr 4, 2025
Wednesday night, after Trump announced his bizarro tariffs, @shannonwatts's Instagram account pointed out that Ferris Beuller's teacher delivered a lecture on how Republicans during the Great Depression tried to use tariffs to raise revenue and improve the economy.
They label it "Every Gen Xer tonight…" You can see the scene here.
"Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression."
The point is that this is such an established, accepted principle of history and economics, that it is shown here being taught to (extremely bored) high school students.
And the irony is that the teacher is played by Ben Stein, is a Republican and Trump supporter.
Of course Ferris Bueller took this day off, so wasn't there to hear this lecture, and is probably now working in the White House for Trump.
Cat from "Flow" helping other black kitties get adopted
Gail Sherman / 5:26 am PT Fri Apr 4, 2025
Flow is a gorgeous computer-animated film about animals struggling to survive as floodwaters rise in a world devoid of humans. Although the all-animal cast includes a capybara, a golden retriever, and what I now know to be a secretarybird, the film is told from the point of view of a black cat.
Black cats (and dogs) are often the last to be adopted, for various reasons, from superstitions to the fact that they are challenging to photograph. The success of Flow has led to increased adoption of black cats, at least in Brazil. According to the Metrópoles newspaper, adopters are specifically requesting "tipo Flow" or "Flow-type" cats.
Flow was nominated for Academy Awards for Best International Feature Film and Best Animated Feature. It won the latter, beating Inside Out 2 and the Wild Robot. The director recorded himself and his dog while watching the nominations, and it's as wonderful as the film.
So, watch Flow, and then go find a black cat to foster or adopt.
Previously:
• Black cats in line for an audition in Hollywood, 1961
• Watch: A cat is supposed to catch mice, but this one shares his water with a stray mouse
• Black cat + Lush bath bomb = Sparkle Kitty!
Musical comedian creates perfect satire of nu-metal
Grant St. Clair / 5:00 am PT Fri Apr 4, 2025
Kyle Gordon really seems to be gunning for the title of the Gen Z Weird Al. Since finding initial stardom with Eurodance parody Planet of the Bass, he's mined that seam for all it's worth, putting out pitch-perfect sendups of niche musical genres almost faster than his fans can pick them apart. Sure, he might only have one joke, but when it's consistently executed this well, does that really matter? Last time, it was British gangster rap, and this time it's flawlessly-done nu-metal of the Limp Bizkit variety. He has the range.
The chorus is absolutely perfect – I could see it kicking in over an action scene in a subpar Matrix sequel any day. It's the little things, really, from the Bill Clinton sample to the fisheye lens to the nonsensical but vaguely threatening ad-libs ("If I make you dead, you won't live!). The thing that really clinched it for me, though, was the weird old guy – an inexplicable staple of this kind of genre video for reasons beyond human comprehension. I regret to inform you that this is another point for team Gordon.
Trump's Day One morphs into "2 years" before tariffs bring economic relief (video)
Carla Sinclair / 4:42 pm PT Thu Apr 3, 2025
So much for Day One when it comes to the instant economic boom Trump promised his tariffs would bring.
Although on the campaign trail last year Trump told Bloomberg editor John Micklethwait that his "beautiful" tariffs would shower Americans with economic relief "right away" by bringing manufacturing to the United States, today he admitted that Day One actually means at least "two years."
Trump made his startling remarks on Air Force One, when a reporter asked how long it would take to get U.S. manufacturing — the whole reason for the tariffs — up and running. "Well, let's say it's a two-year process," the president responded. That's right, two years of economic "pain" (his words, not mine) before his magical tariffs begin to stir. (See video, posted by Acyn.)
This came after Trump nonchalantly told the same reporters that today's tariff-induced stock market crash "is to be expected." And to think that the chaotic era of Trump 2.0 has only just begun.
Previously: Trump's magical grocery price-fixing powers somehow failed to materialize
Millionaire JD Vance courageously volunteers your wallet for Trump's trade war
Ellsworth Toohey / 4:31 pm PT Thu Apr 3, 2025
Remember when Trump promised the economy would transform into a working-class paradise "on Day One"? Apparently that schedule only applied to tax cuts for millionaires like JD Vance, who's now explaining why the rest of us need to embrace empty refrigerators for the cause.
Vance, net worth $10 million, channeled his inner Lord Farquaad on Fox & Friends Thursday, bravely declaring that some of you may starve, but that's a sacrifice he's willing to make. This comes mere months after Team MAGA swore Trump would wave his magical MAGA wand and fix everything faster than you could say "but her emails."
With his famous smug smirk, Vance explained to his MAGA voters why they should embrace Trump's new 10% tax on literally everything.
"I grew up in a family that often did live paycheck to paycheck," reminisced the vulture capitalist who now makes more in investment returns than his former neighbors make in a decade. His solution for families who "just can't afford an extra three dollars here and there?" Just wait for the deregulation fairy to sprinkle prosperity dust on your empty bank account!
As reported in The Daily Beast, while stocks plummet and economists predict rising inflation, Vance assures us this "total shift" in economic policy is totally necessary — though he forgot to explain how global trade wars will help folks alleviate their hunger pangs.
"What I'd ask folks to appreciate here is that we are not going to fix things overnight," Vance declared. It's not his fault that voters were too lazy to read the fine print under Trump's "immediate economic boom" that said, "results may vary, peasants pay extra."
Hilarious doggo breaks rules, chases ducks — then fakes injury to garner sympathy (video)
Carla Sinclair / 12:59 pm PT Thu Apr 3, 2025
A black lab named Pepsi couldn't help herself, zooming across a lake to chase ducks even when her dog-sitters repeatedly told her to come back. But when the pup eventually got bored and swam back to shore, she knew she had to come up with a good one to get herself out of trouble.
So the crafty doggo quickly devised a "sneaky move," playing the ol' hurt-paw card — immediately holding up a lifeless arm — to garner sympathy.
In reality, the dog-sitters weren't even upset, and laughed at Pepsi's "miraculous recovery" as she ran around without a limp just a few minutes later — once she realized she was out of the dog house. (See video, posted by dogsittingdiaries.)
Previously: Dog invents clever new way to climb stairs
Restoration Hardware CEO swears during interview when he sees collapsing stock price
Rob Beschizza / 12:38 pm PT Thu Apr 3, 2025
Gary Friedman, the CEO of fancy furniture retailer Restoration Hardware, was recorded saying "Oh shit" after someone showed him the company's collapsing stock price. It's not clear what the exact number was he was but at time time I checked it was 44% down. The company's items are made abroad and will be hit hard by the Trump tariffs.
"Oh, sh–. OK. … I just looked at the screen. I hadn't looked at it. It got hit when I think the tariffs came out. And everybody can see in our 10-K where we're sourcing from, so it's not a secret, and we're not trying to disguise it by putting everything in an Asia bucket."
Worse, that's just today. The stock was already down sharply from its new year high. Cumulatively, it's down about two thirds, from $447 to $149. Comically, he's a Trump supporter.
Notably, Trump slapped levies of 46% on Vietnam and 32% on Taiwan. China's true tariff rate rose to 54% following the new increases unveiled during the White House announcement. "Anybody of scale in the home business has a high percentage of their content coming out of Asia," he said. "Anybody who says they don't, that would just shock me."
Other big losers today include apparel retailer group V.F. Corporation, down 28%, online furniture retailer Wayfair, down 26%, teen-oriented junk importer Five Under, down 25%, and household gadget company SharkNinja, down 20%.